Penance
by karebear
Summary: Rylock never could fall asleep, the night after a beating. Loneliness is worse than pain.


**Acherubis** challenged me to write Anders sex. I've been trying for _ages_ to get Anders and Rylock to cooperate with me enough to make it happen. They did, finally. So, fair warning... this is sex, and on top of that, it's Anders and Rylock sex, so it is violent and desperate and not-gentle. It is rated _very M_.

Title note: "penance" - it's punishment, it's the thing you do to show you're sorry, the word _penance_ "derives from Old French and Latin _poenitentia_, both of which derive from the same root meaning repentance, _the desire to be forgiven_." (wikipedia). It's more "the Chantry is the Catholic Church," it's another word Anders and Rylock would both hear and _know_, on multiple levels.

* * *

The silence is enough to make Rylock want to scream. She pulls the pillow over her head and tries to breathe, shaking and refusing to admit how close she is to crying. She rolls over and stares at the ceiling, tries to calm her breathing, can't. She squirms and tangles the sheets below her into knots around her fingers, and then she sits up because she can't sit _still _anymore. She slips off of her bed, out of the dorm, into the halls of the Tower that are dark and nearly empty. She deliberately avoids the places where she knows the patrols will be.

Her stomach tangles into knots as she paces slowly through the flickering torchlight of the lower level dungeons that everyone conveniently pretends don't exist. It'd be easier if _she _could pretend, too. She's _supposed _to. She stands just outside his cell, standing in the shadows, a step away from the bars. Anders glances up, looking right at her. He doesn't ask her what she's doing there. They both _know_. But she can't stand the silence and the crushing weight of the rules keeping them both caged. She unlocks the door and steps in, but doesn't move any closer to him. She waits, for him to come to her, and he pulls her close to him and tangles his fingers into her hair, and she lets him.

"I couldn't..." she starts. Her voice breaks into a whining stutter. The tears that wouldn't fall upstairs begin to sting her eyes now. "Couldn't sleep," she protests, lamely.

"Yeah?" he whispers. His voice licks at her ear, and leaves her shaking.

She curls her hand into a fist and punches at his shoulder, fighting against the rules that neither of them are allowed to break. Her other hand traces up his back, and he flinches. Rylock bites her lip until she draws blood. Anders snorts. "Just like when you were a kid, huh?"

She freezes and shoves him away, but he doesn't let her go. They just stand there listening to each other breathe in the darkness, refusing to cry, refusing to admit weakness. She nods, finally, knowing she never should have told him about that, but she knows why she did. She never could fall asleep on the nights after a caning. She never ran away either, though she _wanted _to. Every time.

He does, though. He runs away from her, and she lets him. And loneliness is worse than pain.

She curls against his body, asking for forgiveness that she doesn't deserve. It's not her fault anyway. So then why the fuck is she _here_?

She grabs for him, desperate to feel something, it doesn't even matter _what. _Anders holds her, and Rylock presses herself closer to him and squeezes her eyes shut, whimpering and panting as she grinds against him, knowing that she shouldn't, for a thousand reasons, not least of which is the still-raw lash marks she can feel beneath her fingers as she traces them along his bare skin. Fever hot, welted flesh _just _beginning to heal. She can feel him tensing up when she puts even gentle pressure on those wounds, but she does it anyway, and he doesn't protest or tell her to stop. If anything, he only pushes himself against her more urgently. She can feel the hardening bulge of erection pressing against her leg, and she moans, shifting, trying desperately to get him to give her what she wants.

He teases her, trailing his fingers alongside her inner thigh, closer and closer to where she wants them, but _not close enough_. She spreads her legs to invite him in, but he ignores it. Instead, he lets the fingers of his other hand creep under her loose fitting shirt to squeeze her breast and circle around her tit. He rubs her hardened nipple between his fingers under her breathing comes in quick gasps. She cries and squirms as he _pinches. _He laughs as she pushes against him but he doesn't let go of her, and it hurts as he tightens his grip and twists. She sucks in air and tries to get control of the pain, and wraps her legs around his waist.

"Close your eyes," he whispers, his voice rough and dangerous.

"Fuck you," she snaps. There's no way in hell she's going to let a mage take her by surprise. She may break nearly all the rules, but she's good at her job. Anders laughs, and she feels _something _at the edge of her awareness, and before she's ready for it he's thrust his fingers up inside her, stealing her breath away. She gasps and tries to pull away but he shakes his head and presses his lips down over hers, sucking forcefully. She moans and squirms against him, shifting her body, trying to lead him in the right direction. The energy she'd felt battering at the walls of her mind suddenly explodes as she feels Anders drawing on the Veil. The surge of lightning _hurts_, and she screams, unable to stop herself. The shock of it leaves her gasping, the pain leaves tears in her eyes. She shoves him away, and grabs for the Veil, holds the energy at the edge of her consciousness, just on the edge of letting go. But she doesn't lash out.

She can hear Anders sucking in a breath, and she opens her eyes. She doesn't blink, doesn't breathe, can't look away from him. He doesn't look away either. Neither of them move, as the seconds tick by. He grabs her, suddenly, and throws her down with violent force. Her head slams against the hard stone floor of the cell and the pain leaves her dazed. She squirms as his fingers press against her throat.

"Missed your chance," he growls, and she stills as he presses down harder, his fingers digging deep enough into her skin to leave bruises. Her eyes widen, and her fingers scrabble against the rock beneath her. Panic surges in her stomach before she can stop it. Her heart pounds, and tears slide down her cheeks as she struggles to breathe.

Anders lets go, and drives into her, so hard and fast that it _hurts_. His cock pushes deep inside her, breaking her defenses, she wasn't _ready. _

She coughs, and pushes helplessly against him as he rides her, thrusting in and out quickly and violently. She wraps her fingers desperately around his neck, pulling him down as she lifts her hips up to meet him. She cries as the friction of his hardened cock inside her brings her just to the edge, and she moans, desperate for him to _finish _it. She's so tantilizingly _close. _She clamps her legs tightly together around him and refuses to let him go, but he slows down and she nearly _screams_. Her fingernails rake deep trails down his back, mixing with the deeper, harsher lines already carved there. His lips push down on hers, and his tongue forces itself into her mouth. She sucks, tasting him, salt and sweat and magic. She moans as they kiss, and his hands suddenly tighten around her ass, lifting her up. His hips begin to move again, driving his dick in, deeper and slower now.

"Fuck, Anders," she murmurs. She feels him explode inside her, and then he pushes her away. She doesn't let him go, though. Instead, she rolls on top of him, forcing him to catch her. He does. He holds her in the silence, and neither of them speak. The sound of their breathing echoes in the dark silence.

Anders shivers, shaking with exhaustion. He is utterly spent, and she is _tired_. They both are, too tired to fight each other, too tired to care about the rules against this. Rylock can feel the warmth of his skin beneath her palm as she presses her hand down flat against his bare chest, just above his heart.

"Still sorry?" he asks her, his voice breaking through the dark. She shakes her head.


End file.
